The Four Types of Boys

For the time that I've lived on this Earth and aquainted myself with the male half of our species, I have to come to find striking similarities amongst these otherwise complex beings. I'll come to list them, and where I would usually be expected to add a disclaimer to my theory, I will do the exact opposite. All boys, from the ages of around 16-30, that live in this modern day era, fit into the four categories I present here. There is no anomaly, there is no outlier, there is no exception. The four types of boys are as follows:-

1. The Tally Boy.

The Tally Boy's entire purpose in life is to meet, greet and bed as many girls as possible. He lives and breathes to conquer women and brag about his victories to his fellow womanizers after. He will do anything to get a girl into bed. He will be any sort of person. He can be the patient do gooder that listens to your problems as intently as if it were his. He could be the sweet talker that says all the right things at all the right moments. He could be a hunky, bad boy, or a measly looking lad. But don't be fooled by the rocks that he's got, because the moment you resist to give him what he wants, he'll drop you like he would a hooker. 

2. The Ego Maniac.

You could spot a Tally Boy from afar with the correct skills and apparatus, but the Ego Maniacs are a little harder to label. These are the boys that feed off girls to the point where their victims are left a pulpless fruit, all so they could have their daily ego trips satisfied. They act possessive, jealous, wanted, hard to get, arrogant, standoffish, or even cold to women, because deep down they know they've got real game. They may not be as lucky as the Tally Boys when it comes to getting laid, but they have more women clinging to their arms, emotionally, than any of the other types of boys. This self perceived notion is what drives them. They're good at reading people, gauging situations and understanding women and their ways. They strip their targets of their individuality and their confidence and make them dependent on them by means of manipulation. Despite their shifty nature, they come across as very normal and sophisticated. Any sign of tension or conflict they will run. They will leave you bruised, hollow for as long as you remember them and well beyond that too.

3. The Relationship Guy.

The Relationship Guy is in some ways much more likeable than the other types of boys. He can't be single, it makes him too sad. So he is either too happily in a relationship or in constant lookout for wife material in all the women he meets. He sometimes doesn't have a backbone and is known to be completely and utterly whipped by his significant other. This is the kind of guy that proposes too early to his girlfriend. This is the kind of sucker that loses all personality, friends, passions just so he can be agreeable and satisfactory to a woman. Despicable, but a lovable character nonetheless. To some.

4. The Loser.

No brownie points for figuring this guy out. The Loser has rarely spoken to girls. He is either too blokey of a guy to fraternize with the opposite gender, or he plays too many video games or (sorry) wanks too often to know how to approach women. He could be trained. With a lot of effort, in time, he could prove to be a valuable sidekick, but if you don't care to work hard at it, you probably won't even find this guy around. 

At the end of all of this, you may ask - They all seem pathetic. Why bother? Why go to all the trouble of picking out the diamonds worms in the dirt, when we live in an age where we don't have to depend on men any longer for emotional and financial support and freedoms. Why don't we just leave them behind?

Procreation, my dear girls.